Sometimes Catazon Pretends She's a Cougar

This year's birthday wasn't as exciting as last year's, but I'm not complaining. I still got a bunch of good stuff...my family pretty much cleared out my wish list; I'll have to replenish it before Christmas, or I'll get the usual gift certificates for Victoria's Secret and black raspberry vanilla toiletries from Bath & Body Works and nothing else...and I still got my favorite home-cooked meal and strawberry cake. Nope, I wouldn't call that exciting.

What was fun was I got to go out and act like a woman of my advanced age does. I even brought my husband along. One of my favorite country & western singers who I have seen a couple times at small venues when I was living in Austin was playing at the Firehouse Saloon on Friday night. So I got gussied up in my tightest jeans, halter top, and bling-bling belt and mosied on down early to get a front row seat for Ty Herndon. Didn't really need to do that since there were only about 50 people at the show, but what the hey, the vodka sodas went down easy. Ty forgot to sing his world famous rendition of You Can Leave Your Hat On, and I went over after the show to tell him how disappointed I was.

Ty: Get over here, you big sexy girl!
Me: Ooooh ok, I just wanted to tell you how disappointed I was that you didn't do You Can Leave Your Hat On.
Ty: YOU CAN LEEEAAAVVVE YOUR HAT ON!
Me: Meoooowwww.

But really, I always look like I'm ready to pounce when I take pictures with hot celebrities. Remember, my husband was watching the whole thing. Escandalo!

I didn't even notice until yesterday I paid for the whole night...tickets, drinks, everything!  Happy birthday to me!

Yet Another Weekend Full of Wine

This past weekend, I attended the Gruene Music & Wine Fest.  Although I've been to Gruene, a quaint little town on the Guadalupe River snuggled up next to New Braunfels, many times, this was the first time I had the opportunity to attend the wine fest. I highly recommend a visit to Gruene any time of the year, but this was an especially enjoyable weekend, as you will see.

My sister and I took off about 10 a.m. on Friday with her family's pop-up trailer in tow.  I, of course, made her stop at Buc-ee's in Luling even though she was very nervous pulling the pop-up around.  Thankfully, they expanded the parking lot recently, and she had no problem getting in and out of there.  Things were not as easy when we arrived at the campground about an hour later.

A sign at the campground informed us that we could pick any site except for those marked reserved.  My sister was looking for one in particular.  When we got to 100, a reserved sign was sitting on the table so we continued driving and quickly noticed that there were no more campsites with hook-ups past 100.  Trying to turn a camper around with a cliff on one side and the river on the other is not easy, and about halfway through the task, someone starts screaming about how they are going to pee on themselves from laughing about it.  No, it wasn't me, but when my sister brought it up, well yeah, then I started laughing so hard I almost peed too.  It took us a while to turn back around and stake a claim on campsite 99, but luckily, there was a guy who witnessed us doubled over in holding back pee mode and helped us back the damn trailer into the site.  And who cares?

We were at the river!  Later that night, my sister got really trashed and tried to climb through a fence when a gate was two feet to her left, but you really had to be there to appreciate that.

You might have noticed that I started this post in a very mature tone, but it has quickly gone south.  Ok, at least I tried.

Saturday at the wine fest was kick-ass.  A good friend had joined us by now, and we quickly turned into the trio of women who caused a stir. That's my sister in the headdress.

And that's our friend in the Groucho Marx getup.

I have no idea how I became the normal one this weekend.

The tastings included wine from none other than Miranda Lambert's own line and an award-winner from the podunk town I couldn't wait to leave.  The picture directly above was taken in Gruene Hall where we saw the cutest little fiddle-player who we all wanted to sample.  Meow...

One thing I realized from this weekend was that I should be the normal one more often and take amazing pictures to remember everything.  I'm sure I'll feel more like myself by next weekend.

My Weekend in Wine Country

The Best Meal of My Life

Originally uploaded by Catazon.

This past weekend, I spent two and a half days in the Russian River Valley of California. Friday afternoon, we arrived at the Mediterranean villa where we would spend the weekend and found it secluded at the top of a very steep hill and complete with a heated pool. Luxurious, no? Then, we made it into town for our 5:30 p.m. reservation at a two-Michelin star restaurant. After canapés and champagne, we chose between an eight-course or five-course meal, and of course, the wine pairing was optional. So if you know me, you know I didn't hold anything back. I even added the black truffle to the chicken course for an additional $12 or something like that. When you are spending that much money on dinner, you don't worry about the price of the black truffle addition. (You do worry about the fact that, for your daughter's upcoming birthday, you will need to get creative about what we are serving the guests, and I mean creative in the Cousin Eddie sort of way.) I can't pick a favorite course, but my favorite part of the night was when the waiter said, "And for your first dessert..." Aaaawww, yeah! (Already working on the redneck thing.)

On Saturday, we hired a driver to cater to our every whim for six hours of wine tastings. If you have never been to wine country or at least the Russian River Valley, a driver is a must. The road on which the seven or eight wineries we visited sit is extremely narrow and winding. After seven or eight (I really can't remember which) wine tastings, you do not want to be driving this road to the top of the hill where your heated pool and Mediterranean villa await.

I do remember my favorite winery of the day. It was a quaint little place that could barely hold us five crazy women. Their wines are only available on site, and I brought home a wonderful Voignier. This sweet guy guards the door of Porter Creek:



And this Texas girl who does not drink wine cannot wait to go back and visit him.

You Just Know Something's Going to Go Horribly Wrong

To celebrate the big 4-0, my best friend and I decided way back in January that we should have a joint birthday party this year. Our birthdays are exactly four months apart, so we chose late June, right in between each of our big days, for the best time to have the shindig. Since it's summertime and parties, weddings, and the like abound, we sent the invites in early June to get the best response. Then I waited patiently for something to go wrong.

Two weeks ago, we hired a friend to paint our living room, dining room, and atrium. It was taking longer than he expected, and he planned on finishing up the Tuesday before the party. Sure, no problem, plenty of time to get things back into place.

Tuesday, I was picked to serve on a jury, expected to last through Friday. Well, that's just great. I was counting on using Friday, my beautiful 9/80 Friday, to get my house in order and spend some time with my best friend before the party. Still, no problem, we can do this.

Friday, our deep-freeze packed full of processed deer meat and one lovely deer head stopped working. I didn't notice it when I left the house at 7:30 a.m., but I sure as hell noticed it when I pulled in at 5:30 p.m. Gah, the stench! But what could I do? I still needed to pick up The Kitten at Gramma's, and The Tomcat was still in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. (Actually what I think happened is my wonderful husband left the door open when he took ice out for his deep sea fishing trip at 4:00 a.m., but he will never admit that to me.) When he finally got home, the Clorox and Lysol treatment on the freezer and the floor started and lasted all day Saturday. We encouraged people to avoid the garage during the party, and we are still afraid to open the freezer door.

Even with all this conspiring against us, we managed to have a fun-filled party on Saturday night. Only one thing is missing, and one thing in the house is broken...miniscule in the grand scheme of things. And I was able to blame my hangover on a severe sinus attack. That's not wrong at all; that's just right.

I Should Get Paid for This

I'm not going to dwell on the fact that I'm socially inept at gift-giving. I can usually disguise it by showing up with a bottle of Patron everywhere I go, but it gets harder to hide that major personality flaw around the holidays. The Kitten, (most of) the nieces and nephews, and the in-laws aren't really interested in getting drunk and naked, you know.

What I am going to harp on is that fact that it's socially acceptable to maintain a wishlist nowadays. Get your butt online and start one. Check out this helpful post on Lifehacker for some top wishlist tools. A wishlist not only makes life easier for your socially-inept loved ones, it also organizes your own thoughts. I would never be able to keep track of what The Kitten wants for Christmas if I didn't rush to Amazon everytime her eyes widen.

By the way, if you haven't been using a reader to follow interesting blogs like Lifehacker, you really are living in the dark ages. Haven't you heard that blogs are dying a slow, painful death? Oh, wait, that's just mine.

Hitting a Car was the Highlight of My Week

Last Monday, I floated the Comal River like a rookie. Maybe it was because it was The Kitten's first time to float the river, and I was a little nervous, hoping she would love tubing as much as I do. Maybe it was a bit of showing off in front of my cousins on my dad's side who all are younger than me. Maybe it was way too much cider. But anyway, I fried my legs for the first time in twenty years. And not just fried all over...burned in a candy-cane pattern. Yes, I have red and white diagonal stripes up and down the fronts of my legs. Lovely!

Still, my candy-cane legs can't top the marks I received from skating the Pride Parade Saturday night. Before the parade even started, I hit a car. Poor car! It was just minding its own business, and I came along and tripped into it. It was too dark to see how bad my Catazonianess damaged it, but the bruise on my upper arm says there might have been a dent in the passenger door. The bruise is even bigger than the one when I fell in the clothes hamper, which you can actually see in the picture on my Blogger profile. Nice!

By the way, I'm waiting to see pictures from that night, so if you have any of the roller derby girls rolling down Westheimer, either on wheels or on the ground wrastling, put 'em out there! And thanks, Rushin' Cleavage, for such an enjoyable evening. ;)

I didn't think the week could get any better than once again getting the crap beat out of me by stationary objects, but then I went to a Roger Creager concert yesterday evening, right smack-dab in the middle of what I like to think of as my old 'hood (Oak Forest), and I know it's hard to believe that only about 75-100 people would brave the heat wave from hell to see him at such a great venue (a little league ballfield), but the few, the brave, the crazy were rewarded with a free beer from Roger himself. Awesome.

God Help Me...

People who really know me know that I am the last person to complain or make excuses. So I really don't want to go here, but I'm starting to think that going here might help me like it did before.

Somehow I currently weigh 200 lbs., and I have for the past three weeks. Every time I get on the damn scale, it says the same damn thing...200.6. WTF? How is that possible? I have never weighed the same on a Monday as I did on a Thursday...ever. So what is the deal?

I put on my pants one morning three weeks ago, and they were too tight. The week before the damn pants fit fine, but now suddenly, they don't fit? WTF? I didn't do anything different that past week...didn't start eating a ton of food that's bad for me and didn't stop taking the stairs. How did I gain about ten pounds in one week?

So I start to think, it's bad water weight...it will be gone next week...but three weeks later, it's not gone! WTF? WTF? WTF? I immediately started doing more strenuous workouts in the morning, and you would think something would change, but no. This is just too weird.

In two weeks, I have to go in for my annual exam, and my doctor is going to raise holy hell over my weight. I'm a little bit stressed about that, but I'm not going to change my eating habits over it. I don't eat badly...this is so not fair.

But I guess tomorrow night, I need to avoid drinking the leftover margaritas after I turn in the portion to be judged. I should win something just for exercising restraint.

My Calendar Runneth Over

The 2009 Show has begun. I spent most of the weekend at Reliant Park...the Membership Dance Friday night, drink inventory on Saturday morning, and the equipment setup from hell on Sunday. After all that, I didn't feel very guilty while celebrating Mardi Gras at Willie's last night...listening to a good band, eating fried pickles, and drinking too many margaritas.

The goal was to get the taxes done before March, but I also promised to buy The Kitten some western jeans for Go Texan Day on Friday. If she's anything like me (and she is), we will visit all the Cavender's in town to find some jeans that fit. Sounds like a fun week, one which will end with my attempt to attend the largest cookoff in the world not only on Saturday night when the main group of friends will be at our regular stomping grounds but Friday as well so I can see and be seen. It all boils down to whether we trust a houseful of cousins alone.

Tomorrow at lunch, the city is staging an event called the Rodeo Roundup. Now that I work downtown, I get to check it out. No work meetings on my schedule yet, so I will most likely disappear for the whole two hours. One of the perks of having a boss half a country away. Then the parade is Saturday morning, and unless The Kitten changes her mind, we will be there, too. I already posted my rodeo work schedule, so I guess that means I'll see everyone in April (unless you read my Facebook and Twitter updates, of course).

I Can Lose Six More Pounds

So I've been off the cardiovascular health thing for over a week now, and I feel really badly for not updating yet. I hit the goal for the program (186 lbs), but my mentor and I talked about how far I really wanted to go. Of course, I really don't care as long as my clothes fit, but I'm pretty sure I can get rid of six more after rodeo is over. Let me somehow just maintain for the next six weeks. Yes, rodeo is a lot of walking, but I always drink enough to counteract that.

I'm actually more curious to see if I've made an impact on my cholesterol. That will also have to wait for rodeo. I know I feel better overall, although that could be because I'm not hanging out with 60 sick women who keep passing their germs around over and over and over again. Blegh. I feel sorry for the friends I still have in there, even though I'm also tsking on the inside.

Anyway...six pounds before summer? Who wants to join me?

Catazon's Law of Parties

Stress will be a fact of life the week before the party, until you can drink it away the night of the party.

On Monday, the guest of honor will still be hemming and hawing over the menu. That's ok, because you're still not sure if you have to feed forty or fifty or even more.

On Tuesday, you will start the day by throwing out your neck...the same neck problem you have had since a crazy night in New Orleans in 2005. You still don't know what it is, and at the moment, you definitely don't have time to find out, although it would be nice to refresh your stash of painkillers.

On Wednesday, you will discover a water leak in your dining room ceiling. Thank God the pipe was right next to a light fixture, so the water dripped immediately instead of pooling for days. Later that day, you will have your annual performance review. Good luck!

On Thursday, you will have to go to dinner with your boss. Actually not a stressful situation, but you should be home doing a test run on the last minute request for butterscotch cake. Even though it might look like a pile of poo on Saturday, you're still pretty sure it will taste totally awesome (it's an 80's party).

You're not going to think about Friday yet. Keep your eyes on the prize.

The Absolute Worst Lineup in Years

It's the second Monday in January, and every year, I look forward to 10 a.m. CST on the second Monday in January. This year was a disappointment, to say the least. What was supposed to be a great year as a rookie captain has turned into this mostly unforgettable work lineup for the 2009 rodeo: Alan Jackson, Trace Adkins, Toby Keith, Clint Black, Darius Rucker, Pat Green, and ZZ Top.

It does get better as the month progresses. I heard Darius was great at the Ten Man Jam, but in the big ol' Reliant Stadium? Nuh-uh. I will never get sick of Pat Green, and ZZ Top is a classic, but overall, pitiful. Thank God I don't have to suffer through Reba McEntire or Brooks & Dunn.

In other news, as I'm sure you are all wondering, I got back on track with the cardio program (still not calling it a diet especially since I'm not losing weight) last week when I met with my mentor for the first time in three weeks. Christmas wasn't too bad, but the week after did some damage. Tamales and Greyhounds...not together...but I'm blaming it on the both of them.

Catazon's Week 6 of the Cardiovascular Health Program:
Weight = 189.4
Anxiety Level = 8 (trying to meet deadlines and the realization that I dug myself into a hole)

Is This Year Over Yet?

It feels like 2008 lasted FOREVER, and I still have a few more hours of work and a couple of days to get through. In 2008, I sent The Kitten to Kindergarten, started a dream job, laid on my deathbed twice, broke my toes three times, derbied across the country until I had to give up for good, and made an effort to eat better so I will never weigh more than 200 pounds (again).

I'm ignoring whatever weight I gained after spending a weekend in the "country"...you remember the country? I had to drink a couple of six packs of Bacardi Mojitos to survive. Nothing my 4:45-in-the-morning, every-other-day-because-it's-so-damn-intense, 30-minute-calisthenic-workout-from-hell can't fix.

I normally don't make resolutions, but one of my friends is so gung-ho about it, she really gets me in the mood. In 2009, I'm going to enjoy the last full year of my thirties by just relaxing because I spent most of the past decade chasing dreams and The Kitten. I'm going to need the rest for my forties if the way I'm only getting better with age is any indication. Also, I think I've worked up the nerve to stop ignoring Twitter. I can look at it one of two ways...either I'm already breaking the relaxing resolution, or I'm going to have plenty of time to play now that I'm relaxing.

The Week That Wasn't

I didn't check in with my mentor on my health program this past week, so it's kinda like it didn't exist. Therefore, I will ignore the fact that I didn't lose any weight, and believe that this week will have better results or at least get me back down to where I was in week two.

It's been five days since my last taste of frosty adult beverage, and I have worked out twice in the past 24 hours. That's a good start. Unfortunately, I have a rodeo meeting (drinks!) on Tuesday, a holiday dinner (drinks!) on Wednesday, a band concert (damn, no drinks!) on Thursday, and a company Christmas party (Yaaay, drinks!) on Saturday. I wish I could live on a liquid diet.

Catazon's Week 4 of the Cardiovascular Health Program
Weight = somewhere around 190 (I think)
Anxiety Level = 8 (...and I think I might be getting a cold.)

I've Got My HoliDAYs All Wrong

I'm not doing that well on the health kick. Sure, I did a great job on the holiDAY and had a wonderful broccoli slaw tossed with cranberries, apples, and a mustard seed vinaigrette instead of sweet potatoes and cheesy casseroles, but I went crazy the day after and drank my own weight in vodka and cider and some hard cream thing that was calling my name. I blame the tipsiness on my inability to keep the enchiladas out of my mouth on the way home from the Renaissance. The weigh-in on Week 4 is not going to be as pretty as Week 3, unless...

I can keep getting up at 4:45 every morning to feel the burn from this awesome calisthenic workout I found. It would be perfect for the last thirty minutes of a derby practice if I was still in charge of making whiny women hate me.

Catazon's Week 3 of the Cardiovascular Health Program
Weight = 188.4
Anxiety Level = 5 (work is crazy this week and may drive me to drinking again!)

It's Only a HoliDAY...

The Cardiovascular Health Program is going strong. I haven't drank a Monster or a Coke (the ones with vanilla vodka don't count) and haven't eaten a whole bag of Flat Earth Farmland Cheddar chips or a whole California Pizza Kitchen margherita pizza in three weeks. You might think I'm withering away, but unfortunately, I'm not. I still haven't gotten off my lazy butt and done something strenuous, besides walking thirty minutes everyday at lunch and taking eight flights of stairs in the parking garage every evening. And my mentor agreed, that's nothing. Gee, thanks.

My mentor did remind me that Thanksgiving and Christmas are just one day. I have to try not to fall completely off the wagon. Thanks again.

Catazon's Week 2 of the Cardiovascular Health Program
Weight = 190.4
Anxiety Level = 5 (sweet potatoes, broccoli cheese casserole, and all kinds of pie, oh my!)

Always Look on the Bright Side of Ike

It's been a week since I stated that I was eager to make more hurricane memories, and I can truly say I have been blessed. Good things that came from Ike include:

• My husband now realizes we need to fix the skylights that leaked all over the atrium and that I've been telling him to fix for six years. Maybe he will get it done before the next hurricane.



• I got to see a bout on a Monday night - TXRG vs. Madison - and totally free!



• I spent a whole uninterrupted week with The Kitten - until I dropped her off with Gramma about an hour ago.



• I finally got the new barstools I've been needing for six years (see above...we moved in six years ago!).


• 
  The 2008 Season page was updated to the best of my ability - hadn't done that since the HaRD Knocks season went down the tubes in June.

Yes, it has been a good week because our yard only looked like this...



and we had another little visitor who only stayed for a few minutes...


I'm still using Ike as an excuse to drink heavily, and I just noticed my long, tall vanilla vodka and coke is empty, so I'm sure this post does not make a coherent summary of my awesome week.

We Won?!?!?

Nice pic, DeMentia!

Nice win, HaRD Knocks!

I Don't Deserve It

Houston Roller Derby honored its best and brightest of the 2007 season this past Sunday. All of the winners except one were completely deserving of their awards. One of the winners sat out almost half the season. One of the winners did not even do her best work once she came back. It took a couple of months for her to honestly feel like she was positively contributing. By that time, her team was praying for just one win and a third place finish. Yes, that "winner" is Catazon, the Burlesque Brawler's Best Blocker of 2007.

That made my whole freakin' year right there! First, I must give special thanks to my teammates for all their support this year, and to the rest of the league for believing in me. Also, thanks to a friend who gave me some extra encouragement and now makes me cry by bringing it up at emotional moments. Second, I apologize to anyone I offended after I started celebrating. I don't remember everything I did, but I know I'm very sorry for dancing inappropriately, singing off-key, indecently exposing myself, making unfounded accusations, and generally being the obnoxious drunk that I so perfectly can be. Damn, that was fun! Now on to the next excuse...

(The following picture was in the comments before I moved my blog, hence the last comment, but you can't do that on Blogger. Try not to judge me too harshly.)

Key West

I wish I was still in Key West. Too much fun as you can plainly see...



Oh yeah, and I had a big 'ol crush on the guy singing in the background.

Who Says You Can't Have It All?

Having the Ultimate Sunset (Margarita)

Originally uploaded by Fraggle Red.

Y'all may not know that I've been trying to use up a free plane ticket for almost a year. If that's news to you, then this will be even better news. I did it!

This will be my view on August 25th.

Life would be perfect if I had a new job waiting for me when I get back.